Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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