We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
