if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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