I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize