I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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