Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
