hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
