You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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