I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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