"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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