im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
