Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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