My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
