he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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