Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
