I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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