just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
