Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
