Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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