Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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