Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
