how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
