Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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