So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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