i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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