dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
