I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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