i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
