Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
