Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
