i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Someone signed my nipple.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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