we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
