I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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