Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
