I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
