your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
