he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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