The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
