You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
