sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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