giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
