I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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