we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
