My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
