Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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