I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
