after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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