that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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