did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
