You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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