I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
