So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
