He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
