what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
