mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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