I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
