Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
