I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
