yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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