So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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