My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We're too hungover to prance.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
