I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
